When you said i deserve better but i still chose you
when you said you once said something to me that never really left
you deserve better
you did not say it in a harsh way
you were not angry or frustrated
you said it softly like you were trying to protect me
for a long time i believed you
i did not question it
i did not argue
i just accepted it like something that feels right but still hurts a little
but silence makes you think a lot
and the more i thought about your words the heavier they started to feel
because if i really deserved better
why was that better never you
that is the part i could never understand
because i never saw you as something less
i never stayed because i was scared of being alone
i never chose you because i had no other option
i chose you because i wanted to
not loudly
not desperately
just clearly
i chose your calm nature
i chose the way you stayed quiet when things got hard
i chose your distance even when i did not fully understand it
i even chose the parts of you that did not let me in completely
and i was okay with that
because for me choosing someone is not about finding the easiest person
it is not about who is better or worse
it is about feeling something real
and i felt something real with you
not perfection
not some ideal version
just you as you are
that is what made it real for me
so when you said i deserved better it stopped feeling comforting
it started to feel like you were slowly stepping away
like i mattered but not enough for you to stay
like i was good but not someone you would choose
and that feeling is hard to explain
because when someone says you are worthy but still does not choose you
it leaves you in the middle
not fully rejected
not fully loved
just there
and maybe that is what stayed with me the most
not what we had
but what we never became
still i want to be honest
loving you was never a mistake
not even once
it is not something i regret
it is not something i wish to undo
it was my choice
a quiet choice but a real one
even now i do not feel anger
because you did nothing wrong
you did not promise something you could not give
you did not lie
you did not take anything from me
we were just not feeling things in the same way
i felt deeply
maybe you felt differently
maybe you did not feel the same at all
and that is okay
it hurts but it is still okay
because not every connection turns into something more
some people come into your life and change you
they show you how deeply you can feel
how much you can care
even if it is not returned in the same way
and i am not ashamed of that
if anything it taught me something important
loving someone truly is not weakness
it is strength
even if it ends quietly
even if it does not last
even if all you get from it is understanding
i do not hate you for saying i deserve better
now i understand what you meant
you were not saying i was not enough
you were saying you could not be what i needed
maybe that was your way of being honest without hurting me more
so i stopped asking why
i stopped trying to change what happened
i accepted it
slowly
not perfectly but step by step
like letting go of something you once held very carefully
and i do not carry bitterness
i do not feel anger
because what i felt for you was real
and real things do not lose their meaning just because they end
they stay with you
not as pain forever
but as something that changes you
something that teaches you how to feel
how to understand
how to let go
so if you ever wonder
why someone stayed kind
why they did not become cold
why they did not hate you
this is why
because what i felt was real
and real things do not need to last forever to matter
they just need to be real when they exist
and you were real to me
that is why i can let you go without turning it into something bitter
NOTE:-
i learned that being worthy does not mean being chosen and real love can exist even when it is not returned and the strongest thing i can do is accept it without losing my kindness
-Sachin lamesh
Comments
Post a Comment